


Behind Blue Eyes

by NatalieRyan



Series: Cold Open Challenge [5]
Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: 3x09, Cold Open Challenge, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Extended Cold Open, Family Feels, Feels, Gen, Hurt Jack, Hurt Mac, Hurt/Comfort, Specimen 234 + PAPR + Outbreak, lots of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25190863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NatalieRyan/pseuds/NatalieRyan
Summary: Extended cold open for 3x09 - Specimen 234 + PAPR + OutbreakPart 5 of the Cold Open Challenge.Some emotional moments and realizations between the boys.
Relationships: Jack Dalton & Angus MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016)
Series: Cold Open Challenge [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818604
Comments: 14
Kudos: 65





	Behind Blue Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> And we are in day 5. Today's story is for the 3x09 cold open. One thing about season 3: we needed more cold opens. And by more I mean more with Mac and Jack or the whole team.   
> Personally 3x09 is an episode I'd only rewatch when I'm going to take screenshots from it. It was so out of character and it hurt to watch how "broken" the communication between the boys was. Same could be said about the cold open as well. But, I won't be the person I am unless I try to find a reason. And bless fan fic where every reason can be plausible no matter how crazy it is. So, I chose to blame it on the Ghost and the whole debacle in Paris. It explained perfectly why Mac was so out of it, and there's nothing Jack wouldn't take for and from Mac if that means his kid is okay. This story is the result of all that.  
> (One day I'll write a 3x08 related story to get it all out).   
> Hope that this story brings at least a little bit of peace over how disastrous 3x09 was (and to know it was one of the last eps with George in it... shudders oh the potential.   
> Thank you Sabby for letting me scream at ya' about this story idea.  
> Edit by me.   
> Title: song by The Who.  
> Enjoy!   
> P. S. You might wanna have tissues nearby. Jusy in case.   
> P. S 2. Behind Blue Eyes is one of my most favorite songs like ever.   
> P. S. 3. The initial version of this story had 3750 words. I'm a threat to my stories. Welp.

Jack could see something was wrong with Mac. He was distracted. And plain angry. It made Jack wonder if he did something to warrant that anger or if he had to do something to snap Mac out of it. It was tough to read the kid lately. Especially since he returned to them. Well, he returned as the Mac they knew, but up there, Jack was sure something big was going on. Something, that after years of friendship and close calls, Jack wasn't privy to know about. 

Jack sighed. Mac was especially tense after how things ended up with the Ghost. He was rattled and hurting, yet, he powered on through missions and acted like he was okay. Jack could see that Mac and okay might as well be on two different continents, because he was so not okay. But Jack didn't want to poke the hornet's nest. Not yet, at least. Maybe at a later date when they were safe at home and if he unleashed the beast, then it'd be only for Jack to listen. 

What Jack knew he had to do next time something like that happened was to ditch all and every mission no matter how important they were and be by Mac's side. Jack didn't feel too well to risk innocent people if there wasn't a good reason, but Mac had to be a good enough reason for Oversight to understand Jack's decision. In Jack's experience, the simple missions and events were those that left Mac with more emotional scars to bear. And Jack promised himself that if God forbid there was a next time his kid didn't have him by his side; that Jack would move heaven and earth to get to him, insubordination be damned. Nothing was more important than Angus MacGyver and protecting him. 

Mac wouldn't even look him in the eyes. Jack could see Mac was hurting. In turn it was hurting Jack, because Mac avoiding eye contact, being snippy and sarcastic all the time were surefire ways to an explosion. The metaphorical kind of explosion that always burned Jack first. But he could take it as long as Mac had an exhaust system to get it all out. He couldn't take the empty and wounded look in his eyes. The haunted kind he had at first when they met in the Sandbox. The "I act tough, but I'm screaming on the inside" look that Jack thought he banished. It had no right to come back. Mac deserved better, damn it.

Running a hand through his face, Jack started to plan for the talk he and Mac were going to have once they got out of this mess. Assuming they would. 

The explosives rigged to the cage's door were taunting Jack and if it wasn't gonna kill them, he would've tried to use one of the bones as a makeshift crowbar. Scooby screwed them over with the key so they were left out on their own to figure it out. Jack was the type that barged in through the door. Unless Mac found a way through that door that wouldn't involve the door going off its hinges. 

(Just for the record, Jack thought his way was safer because Mac usually blew them up. Okay, not always).

Figure it out being the operative words. Jack had seen Mac come up with crazy plans that worked, in the worst of situations that couldn't hold water to this one. Even in Cairo, when it was sure they were toast, Mac took it in stride, came up with a plan and got them out. Jack liked to tease Mac that Cairo was his fault when in reality it was Jack's. He let his guard down for a second, got a little sidetracked, and boom. But they got out of Cairo. They cheated death once more. Got away from its claws. Jack could tell Mac wasn't firing on all cylinders because he just stood there, leaning against the cage, with a faraway look on his eyes. 

It was starting to scare Jack. Not even after Nikki had Mac lost the connection like this. 

Right about now, Jack would ramble his way through a story, act as a distraction so Mac could come up with an idea or two or three and choose the most dangerous one without question, and once they were on the other side, Jack would whoop and cheer and belt out a post adrenaline crash laugh and Mac would too. They'd hug and grin at each other.

Jack had nothing to say now. Well, he had plenty to say, but he didn't know if it would do them any good. For all he knew Mac would get even more angry and as much as Jack wanted to play a verbal punching bag to Mac, it wasn't the time. 

…

Mac wanted to cry. They were in a tight spot, that was for sure. And Mac was close to burst. 

They were locked in a cage, the cage was wired with explosives, and their only shot at getting out was long gone. Mac was fuming. He was pissed that they ended up in this mess and what was worse, Mac got them in it in the first place. 

He was distracted. Not on top of his game. He didn't fool anyone with acting like all was great and he was glad the Ghost was out of the picture. He was fraying the rope and burning the candle on both ends. And Mac was aware everyone noticed. Mac knew he was close to getting a pep talk from Matty soon if he continued going like this. Followed by a paid leave or possibly a suspension if Mac didn't oblige.

Jack though, Jack was the one person Mac expected to get back at him. To confront him, make him talk. But Jack didn't say a word. Mac knew he wanted to. There were too long looks, reserved touches, and for the first time in years, Jack wasn't trying to get to him. Mac didn't blame him. He snapped at him left and right, it was bound for Jack to get tired. Mac just hoped he didn't break their friendship beyond repair. He couldn't afford to lose Jack as well. He already lost so much, he wasn't ready for Jack to leave, yet. Although, he wouldn't be surprised. And wouldn't hold it against Jack. He'll have to accept it and move on like he always did. Mac brought this on himself, now he should keep his head upright and suck it up. It was bound to happen sooner or later. This way, it would hurt less. It wouldn't require a few more months or years for Mac to get used to Jack staying. It would be over in a flash. 

Mac would have to get used to his heart bleeding permanently, but it would hurt less than to see Jack being disappointed in him, Mac weighing Jack down with his sense of responsibility for Mac and staying just to get hurt more by Mac being a dick. 

Mac turned his head to his left to observe Jack. There were the looks again. Jack looked up at him every so often, worry etched on his face, but staying silent nonetheless. 

Mac looked to the ground, kicking a rock with his boot. They were in the middle of nowhere, their exfil flight was probably gone by now, and with no way to get out of this mess except going boom they were stuck in this cage for the foreseeable future. 

To say that Mac was rattled, it was an understatement. The Ghost might have been dead, but it left a gap, a hole inside Mac that Mac was desperate to close and be able to feel again. The one thing Mac was glad for not having Jack by his side was that even if the bomb went off, Jack was going to be safe. Now, if Mac didn't find them a way out, those words Jack always said, ever since the Sandbox, they could very well come true. 

_ If you go kaboom, I go kaboom.  _

Mac didn't want Jack to die because of his own stupidity and anger-fueled mistake. 

If there was a way to somehow lever the explosives and detach them from the cage without them ending up blown to pieces… 

Something fleeted through his brain. It was slightly out of reach and it could very well be a suicide mission, but it was all they got, so Mac owed it to Jack and himself to at least try. 

…

"I think I've got an idea." 

Jack was brought out of his thoughts by Mac's voice. 

"Hm?" 

"I have an idea, and I know it's crazy, and we may end up going in flames, but it beats us getting dehydrated and famished the longer we sit locked in this cage." 

"Okay, tell me what I have to do." 

"Uh… here." 

Mac thrust his SAK in Jack's hand and Jack had a moment of clarity before he realized Mac was picking through the bones. 

"Now what's going through that fluffy head of yours?" 

"I know that we are probably touching some poor man's bones and that's all kinds of icky-" Mac screwed his face in disgust. "-but we need it if we want to get out of it. You have chewing gum on you?" 

Without looking away from Mac, Jack provided him with a piece of chewing gum and accepted the bone Mac handed to him. 

"I'm also gonna need a lighter, and for you to scrape that bone until it can be used as a lever." 

"Deal." 

As they both worked in silence, Jack realized that this was the most words they exchanged since the Ghost debacle. Jack had an idea where things were going, and he had a proud smile on his face. He decided that no matter what was going on with Mac, that he would wait for Mac to come to him. He could be patient.

Jack wasn't blaming the kid. Not after Mac went through the wringer so many times in only months. He was gonna come around and Jack wasn't going anywhere. He could wait.

While Jack did as he was told, Mac carefully opened the device to peek at the wiring inside. Mac wrapped the tinfoil around the wires, careful not to yank them. Wordlessly, Jack pulled out the lighter he always carried with him after he met Mac. Mac nodded and proceeded to light up the tinfoil. The light on the explosives stopped blinking and they both exhaled. They were safe. 

"Are you ready with the bone?" 

"Yeah, yeah. Here." 

Mac picked it up and hoisted it to lever at the bars. The second the door opened slightly, they both stood still, waiting for a reaction. When nothing went boom, they proceeded to get out. That was until something started beeping and in the next second Mac was pushing Jack forward and yelling for him to run. Then the world exploded

…

Jack came to a shrill sound in his ears and a muffled groaning next to him. When he tried to move, searing pain spread all over his left side. Jack raised his head to take a good look and he saw a piece of metal sticking to his left. He moved slowly, not wanting to aggravate his injuries more and removed the scorching part of the cage that landed on him. Luckily only part of it landed on his belly and the rest was concentrated on his left forearm. It hurt to move, but Jack gritted his teeth. He'd worry about his injuries later. He had to check on Mac first. 

"Mac! Mac, buddy, can you hear me?"

His voice felt like it was coming from a tunnel and Jack didn't know if he whispered or yelled, but still there was no sound coming from his partner.

Jack shook his head to clear it from the cobwebs trying to muddle his thoughts. He had to find Mac. They had to get out of there, fast. 

Jack slowly rose to his feet and walk-stumbled to where the cage was placed before the explosion. Sure enough, Mac's prone form was on the ground, lying still. Too still for Jack's liking.

"Mac!!!" 

Jack almost scraped his knees in the haste to reach Mac and check for injuries. There was a gash on Mac's right temple that stretched up his scalp and bled profusely. From what Jack could see, Mac suffered some burns himself although Jack couldn't risk to touch Mac anywhere near the burned skin, lest he made him hurt more. 

"Oh, Mac…" Jack gently put one of his hands on Mac's shoulder and ran his thumb in soothing motions. 

Mac opened his eyes and heaved a deep breath that ended on a cough. Jack was there, holding him still while coughs wracked Mac's body. 

"Easy, Mac. Easy." 

Thankfully the coughs subsided and Mac stilled again. 

"J'ck… you… okay?" 

It seemed as an afterthought on Mac's side coupled with his delay in reaction, so Jack didn't rule out the possibility of Mac having a concussion. 

"Yes, Mac, I'm okay." 

"Good. That's good."

Mac wasn't looking at Jack, but seemed like he was at least a bit responsive to Jack's voice and Jack smiled at him. 

"Hey, bud. You with me?" 

"Mhm." 

"Where are you hurt, Mac?" 

Silence. 

"I can't help you if you don't tell me, Mac." 

"'M fine." 

"Of course you are." 

"What's that supposed t' mean?" 

"It means you took the brunt of the explosion." 

"As long as you are good, it doesn't matter." 

"Mac." 

Jack growled in frustration and turned to face Mac. Mac knew it was always Jack's decision to get deliberately hurt so Mac wouldn't. And they had an agreement on that. But Jack wasn't gonna mention that now. That was a talk for after. 

"We have to move, Mac. Can't stay here for longer." 

"You go. I can't." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Go. At least you can get out of this." 

"Mac, no." 

"Just... go, Jack. Leave me here. Go save yourself." 

"It ain't gonna happen, ever, so save your breath. We are not discussing it."

"I'm... I'm j'st gonna slow you down. Go." 

"No! You can't expect me to just leave you here in the middle of nowhere. You are coming with me, and that's final. Mac..."

Mac finally turned around to face Jack, but it felt like he was looking through Jack. His eyes were unfocused and glassy. 

"I'm not worth saving Jack." 

It was said so low, Jack knew he wasn't meant to hear that. Something in his heart seized, but he had no time to dwell on it, because Mac's eyes rolled in his head and he lost consciousness. 

"Mac, wake up. No, no, no."

Jack gently shook his partner, called his name, but Mac was out cold. 

Something snapped in Jack. He screamed in pain and anger for Mac. For feeling like he wasn't important enough to be saved. That he wasn't worth it. 

Jack wiped tears of frustration and anger. He was going to have a talk with Mac once they were safe and on home ground. He'd stop the circle of not talking with his partner. Hell, he wouldn't shut up, like ever, if Mac needed to hear that. Even if Mac asked him to be quiet, Jack wasn't gonna stop. 

Jack carefully picked up Mac and started the long trek to exfil. If the pilots were still waiting. And even if they weren't, Jack was going to carry Mac for as long as it took to get them to safety. No matter what happened from here now on. Jack wasn't letting go of Mac. 

Hours later on the plane, while he cradled Mac, still unresponsive in his embrace, Jack vowed that everyone who dared breathe wrongly in the presence of the kid, they'd face Jack's wrath and fury.

…

Mac came to the sound of steady beeping on his left. His head felt heavy and woozy, and when he tried to move, the material under his head crinkled. It was probably a hospital issued pillow. The smell of antiseptic was a dead giveaway too. The pull of a needle stuck in the crook of his elbow was the next thing Mac felt when he tried to move his left arm. 

Mac's right hand moved to his face and he touched a nasal cannula. Jack must have told them he didn't like an oxygen mask. And they gave him from the good stuff if the floaty feeling was to go by and he felt all woozy and sluggish. 

Mac slowly blinked his eyes open. Bits and pieces of what happened came to him, slowly making more sense. Mac recognized that he wasn't in a random hospital, but in Phoenix Med. 

And Jack wasn't there. 

Mac's eyes prickled with tears. Jack finally listened. There was no doubt in Mac's mind that Jack heard what Mac said right before he blacked out. Jack, of course, brought him home safe. It was his job to do that. Jack said it constantly. It was his job to look after Mac, to make sure he made it home. Only this time it stung. Because Jack must have understood, finally, how much of a hassle Mac was. That Mac only brought trouble in Jack's life. He was a lot to handle. Perhaps Jack realized that and dropped him off to Medical and left. 

Mac didn't want to acknowledge the pang in his heart. He would be okay. Eventually. It would be hard to adjust at first, but Mac was adaptive if anything. 

There was a rustling to Mac's right and Mac turned his head to find the source. His eyes landed on another hospital bed next to his. And Jack was lying in it, sleeping, but with a frown on his face. The rustling came from a nurse that was checking Jack's vitals and adjusted the blankets around him. 

"Oh, hey, you are awake. He's gonna be bummed he missed you waking up." 

"What… happened?" 

"You two suffered from burns and we had to put you under to treat them. We couldn't pry you out of his arms when you two arrived at Medical." 

"Is he seriously hurt?" 

"I think you took the worst of it. He is gonna be fine. He has second degree burns on his left arm and on the stomach, but nothing too serious. You on the other hand, yours are almost third degree, littering your back and some on your chest. There's that gash on your temple and a mild concussion. The doctor will come visit you later and explain everything."

Mac nodded, trying to process all the info dump with his eyes drifting to the prone form of his partner, exhausted, but not being able to rest even in his sleep.

The nurse stopped to write something on the board and sighed. 

"We couldn't convince him to go to sleep earlier." 

"I'm amazed you got him to sit still enough to treat his wounds." Mac said as he looked at his partner, not being able to let go even in his sleep. 

"Only after you were treated. And almost threw a fit until we put you two in the same room." 

"That's just Jack." 

"This man cares deeply about you Mr. MacGyver. It's rare to find that nowadays." 

"Tell me about it."

Mac, despite feeling like his world turning upside down, was relieved Jack didn't leave after all.

A yawn interrupted his next question and he closed his eyes, not fighting the sleep. 

…

The next time Mac opened his eyes, he felt more rested. Well as much as you could rest with burns littering your body. And that fricking nasal cannula. It was better than a mask, that was for sure, but it still bothered him. He could feel someone watching him and knew without a doubt it was Jack. 

Mac turned to face Jack, it was better to end this here and now, instead of waiting until it all blew up in his face. 

Mac sighed. Jack looked at him with a mix of worry and relief. 

"Hey, bud. Glad you are awake." 

"I was awake once. You were the one that was snoring like a hacksaw." 

"Only because this little punk kept me awake." 

Mac knew Jack was just joking, yet he couldn't help, but think that he was guilty of Jack staying up to take care of him, while disregarding his own health. 

"I'm sorry." 

Jack carefully moved in a sitting position, and turned towards Mac. 

"I'm not." 

"But you always stay and I feel like I've been using you-" 

"Stop." 

Jack's voice was stern and commanding. It was clearly a front, because underneath all that, Jack seemed scared. And rattled. One more thing Mac contributed to. But Mac stopped talking. He didn't want to anger Jack.

"Stop talking about yourself in such words. I thought we were past this. I figured by now that you'd know that there's nothing, nothing I wouldn't do for you. Nothing. I mean it, Mac." 

Mac stayed silent. He knew Jack meant what he said. Logically, Mac knew it, too. He came to rely on Jack always having his back, of Jack taking care of him, just being there; no questions asked and no reserves. Jack always stayed and didn't make it sound like it was a chore. He genuinely cared. It was Mac's brain that was fucked up and made him think all kinds of things. Doubt himself. More so since his father appeared in his life again. It was hard to convince himself that Jack was right and for Mac to see himself for who he was and not what his brain told him. 

"I know." 

"I don't think you do, man. If you did then you wouldn't say anything like what you did after the…" 

Jack's voice hitched and he stopped talking. Mac looked up and saw Jack blinking back tears. 

Oh great, he made Jack sad. 

_ Good job, MacGyver. _

"What you said out there. Not being worth it. That was one of the worst moments in my life, right there. Because I know that's not true. I spent years trying to make you see you are worth it. And you go and say that. That's not you. Mac, what's going on?" 

"I'm sorry. I never meant to-" 

"There's nothing to apologize for, Mac. I get it." 

"No. I was the one that got us in the mess. I need to apologize for that." 

"If I remember well, I was the one that broke cover." 

"I was the one that was supposed to come up with a plan and I dragged you along, Jack!" 

Mac was aware he was yelling, but he had to try and tell Jack that it was his own damn fault.

"It wasn't your fault. I don't think you planned on us getting captured." 

"But if I was on my A game, we wouldn't-"

"If I thought you weren't on top of your game, I wouldn't have let you set a foot outside of the Phoenix, hoss. When we are out there, I trust you. And because of that trust, I would have pulled the plug."

Mac bit his lip from replying with a sarcastic remark and stayed quiet. He was so  _ below _ his game, it was transparent for everyone to see. Jack seemed to be studying him, Mac could feel Jack's gaze on him. 

"Is there something you are not telling me? Something I need to know about?" 

Mac sighed. He might as well just say it. 

"I keep hurting the people I care about. Get them hurt. Killed. They leave. They always do, Jack. Once you realize how big of a bother I am, you'll do too." 

Jack gasped. Mac forced himself to look down, he wasn't ready to look in Jack's brown eyes, filled with hurt. Worry. Disappointment. Anger. 

Or maybe he was just projecting. 

There was a sudden shift on Mac's bed. Jack. 

Mac didn't even hear him move. 

"If you say one more time that you are a bother, or a burden…" Jack cleared his throat, "or God forbid, if you say you are a disappointment, I swear to you I'm gonna hunt down every person that has ever made you feel like this and make them pay." 

"Peña died because of me." 

"What?" 

"That's what the Ghost said. That the bomb that killed Peña was meant to kill me. If the damn bomb robot didn't break down again, I was gonna go inside. And Peña did. For me. He died instead of me and now I have to live with that." 

"Mac…" 

"Do you understand now, Jack? I am only good for-" 

Mac couldn't finish what he wanted to say because his throat closed up on him. He tried to swallow around the lump in his throat. Traitorous tears spilled down his cheeks. 

"Oh Mac… Is that what you meant by…? C'mere, kid." 

Mac let himself be led in a hug. It didn't feel like he deserved it, he was still trying to come to terms with what happened and his feelings. But being hugged by Jack meant that Jack still cared, and still wanted to stay with Mac. 

Even after what Mac said to him. Despite all the danger Mac brought to his life. 

"You know when I signed up for the Army, I wasn't thinking much. I never dreamed of having a wife, 2.5 kids and the white picket fence. I just wanted to serve my country, defend the innocent." 

Jack tightened the hold on Mac and buried one of his hands in Mac's hair. 

"With time I realized that even if I ever was going to have that dream, I'd have to lie to her. And I did for a while. Enjoyed what I could have had. Diane, Riley, family life. But then I got a wake up call. And I was back doing the dangerous stuff. 

"I've seen things no one should see, ever. I've done things I'm not proud of. And I thought that with the tempo I was going through life, I was sure that either I'd die before I hit fifty or end up old and miserable. Then you came along." 

"Jack." 

"No, listen. Listen to me. You gave my life purpose. And meaning. You brought me joy. Happiness. Some of my best life's memories have you front and center in them. You changed my life kid. What was a job first, became a family. You could never hurt me. You could never put me in danger willingly unless I choose to be in the same danger as you. 

"Whoever made you think you should apologize just because you think you are a disappointment to those you care about and you love? They can shove it in where the sun don't shine." 

Jack took a deep breath and pulled Mac to face him. Mac was having trouble keeping his tears at bay. 

"You are the smartest man I know, not including me." 

Mac chuckled. 

"You are the most important person in my life. Ever since I met you, you've been making yourself at home in my heart. And I want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter what people say, you are enough and you are worth it. You got it?" 

Mac didn't trust his words so he nodded. 

"Now, I'm tired and these damn burns are hurting like a mother. Before you say you are sorry, I know. Not your fault, remember?" 

Mac nodded against Jack's shoulder. 

"We'll have a nice, long talk about this, again, when we are more coherent. Now scoot, I wanna cuddle my son." 

Something broke inside Mac at Jack calling him "his son" and the dam burst. 

He let himself be held through the tears and sobs that wracked his body, all the pain and sorrow he never let himself let go of, leaking through countless tears, wetting the hospital gown Jack wore. 

After a while the crying subsided and Mac found he felt lighter. Not better, but getting there. Jack was still hugging him close and now Mac let himself enjoy the hug. 

"Thank you, Jack." 

"Hey, what's family for?" 

Mac smiled at that and for the first time in months he felt at peace with himself. With Jack by his side he could tackle everything.

Jack reached for one of Mac's hands and intertwined their fingers. He squeezed lightly and whispered in Mac's hair. 

"I chose you a long time ago. It's time for you to choose yourself, Mac."

**Author's Note:**

> _Thoughts? ___


End file.
